My wife is experiencing significant changes due to perimenopause, which has drastically impacted our intimacy. Her desire for sex has diminished. Are there effective prescriptions available for women over 50 to address this?
To provide guidance, I consulted Dr. Kate Balestrieri, Psy. D., CST, the founder of Modern Intimacy and author of “What Happened to Me Sex Life? A Sex Therapist’s Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection, and Pleasure.” With over 15 years of experience, Balestrieri has assisted many couples dealing with mismatched sexual appetites, particularly when one partner desires sex more frequently than the other. After discussing with her, I found it best to let her address your concerns directly.
This period can be perplexing and frustrating for you both. Your wife is likely experiencing these feelings even more intensely. The hormonal changes during perimenopause can disrupt everything from mood to sleep and significantly impact libido. Before considering prescriptions, it’s crucial to focus on how you can make her feel supported, cherished, and connected. Often, these gestures can enhance intimacy more than expected.
Begin by emotionally connecting with her. Acknowledge the challenges her body is facing, and let her know you’re there for her. Show interest not just in solutions but in understanding her feelings. Encourage her to share her struggles, listen without offering solutions, and allow her to express herself. Educating yourself about menopause can help you engage in meaningful conversations that demonstrate your care. Emotional closeness often lays the foundation for physical intimacy, even if it takes time.
Consider helping her relax, as stress can severely impact libido, especially amidst hormonal shifts. Introduce small routines-like shared downtime or quality one-on-one time-that alleviate her stress without adding to her responsibilities. Rather than asking her to list tasks, take initiative to ease her mental load. Creating a peaceful environment and nurturing her spirit can gradually rekindle intimacy.
Remember, intimacy isn’t solely about sex. Express affection without expectations through gestures like a shoulder rub, cooking, or planning a simple outing. This closeness can make her feel valued and safe, potentially leading to physical reconnection at her own pace. Despite your own urges, avoid pressuring her for sex or reacting negatively if she’s not in the mood. Such behaviors can create distance and hinder long-term desire.
Although discussing potential prescriptions with her doctor might be beneficial, emphasizing emotional support and showing your affection could strengthen your bond more effectively than any medication.
If, after a few months, the situation remains unchanged, consulting a gynecologist or endocrinologist who specializes in women’s health about medical options is advisable. However, Balestrieri emphasizes that being a supportive partner should precede medication consideration.